InTheWeeds

I Should Have Slept, then Been At Rest

These days feel like days of Job when his grief was very great. The force of my disease bindeth me about my collar like a coat. The flesh upon him shall have pain and the soul within him mourns. I am confused and even my breath is not known by my wife. My face is foul with weeping and on my eyelids is the shadow of death. My days are past, my purposes are broken off and even the thoughts of my heart are gone.

It is hard to explain, and when attempted no one can understand. Tired. Tired of having a strap on my neck 24/7. Tired that I cannot eat like normal people. Tired that I dont look as before, tired that I dont sound as before, tired that I cannt do what I did before, tired that I know that my body cannot do what my mind can, and will never again do it. Tired that I cannot travel, tired that I cannot mix with friends, as most the time that includes eating, and now that my friends know I cannot eat, they and I dont know how to deal with that well.

Tired that I have not slept more than four hours at one time in any night for over four years.

I know He loves me, I know He died for me, I know He knows what I am going through, but knowing all of that does not change the reality of life. That I am left with what I am.

A day is just another day......

livingthedream

the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord.

posted by livingthedream @ 9:26 PM